Conversation in playroom with female patient, age 4
Patient: Can I take some toys to the room?
B: Of course, what would you like to take?
Patient: I want to take some of that food (Points to play kitchen)
(Patient and mom begin to fill shopping cart, mom drops plastic tomato)
Patient: OH NOOOO! Mommy, you dropped the tomato... now's its all squished. It's probably just ketchup.
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Friday, April 12, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Tales from the Kiddos: Hospital Boot Camp
Conversation with a female patient, 3 years old (who is not allowed in the playroom for a variety of reasons at the moment):
Patient: Can we go to your playroom Bethany, PLEEEEEASE (cheesy grin)
B: Not right now sweetie, it's really dirty.
Patient: (picks up toothbrush from sink) That's ok, if you get me a cup of water I can clean it for you with this.
Patient: Can we go to your playroom Bethany, PLEEEEEASE (cheesy grin)
B: Not right now sweetie, it's really dirty.
Patient: (picks up toothbrush from sink) That's ok, if you get me a cup of water I can clean it for you with this.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Tales from the Kiddos: Toilet Training 102?
Conversation with a female patient, 3 years old:
Patient: I need to pee!
Dad: Well come over here to the bathroom.
Patient: That's a medium toilet, Bethany. I don't need the big girl toilet yet, but I'm not little, so I use the medium toilet. It's so nice of them to put a medium toilet into this bathroom for me.
Dad: I don't quite know how to tell her it's the exact same size it was 6 months ago.
Patient: I need to pee!
Dad: Well come over here to the bathroom.
Patient: That's a medium toilet, Bethany. I don't need the big girl toilet yet, but I'm not little, so I use the medium toilet. It's so nice of them to put a medium toilet into this bathroom for me.
Dad: I don't quite know how to tell her it's the exact same size it was 6 months ago.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Tales from the Kiddos: loquacious moppets
From the mouths of three year olds (they make my vocabulary seem puny by comparison):
-------
Patient: There's a squirrel in that tree!
L: I don't see it.
Patient: Oh never mind, it's camouflaged.
L: Do you even know what camouflaged means?
Patient: (in a very condescending tone) Of course. It means it's hidden.
-------
Mom: Just yesterday she was mad that I wouldn't let her do what she wanted and informed me I needed to cooperate with her. I asked her what cooperate means and she very matter of fact told me it meant we had to work together.
-------
Mom: Are you stable standing up there or do I need to help you?
Child: I'm a bit precarious right now Mommy, not stable
(Child sits down)
Child: That's better, I'm not precarious any more, I'm stable.
------
Patient: Be very careful when you are petting this pink baby chick toy Bethany, he is very fragile. That means he might break.
------
*I have several 'real' posts in the works, once I get the strength/wits together to write them. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these happy tidbits from my days!
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Patient: There's a squirrel in that tree!
L: I don't see it.
Patient: Oh never mind, it's camouflaged.
L: Do you even know what camouflaged means?
Patient: (in a very condescending tone) Of course. It means it's hidden.
-------
Mom: Just yesterday she was mad that I wouldn't let her do what she wanted and informed me I needed to cooperate with her. I asked her what cooperate means and she very matter of fact told me it meant we had to work together.
-------
Mom: Are you stable standing up there or do I need to help you?
Child: I'm a bit precarious right now Mommy, not stable
(Child sits down)
Child: That's better, I'm not precarious any more, I'm stable.
------
Patient: Be very careful when you are petting this pink baby chick toy Bethany, he is very fragile. That means he might break.
------
*I have several 'real' posts in the works, once I get the strength/wits together to write them. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these happy tidbits from my days!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Tales from the Kiddos: McDonald Spies
Conversation with a nurse about hospital policies.
Bethany: They're really starting to crack down about policies. Like the one stating we aren't supposed to have patients anywhere near the nurse's station. I mean, I get why they want that, but in some cases, like his (gesturing to a toddler patient who was sitting in a high chair nearby), it's just so much safer to have them close where we can keep an eye on them if they are alone.
Nurse: No, I completely agree. I think they're more worried about privacy. We want to avoid having people out here listening to health information about other patients.
Bethany: Haha, true story, luckily with this one I think we have a bit of time before he starts spilling the beans.
Patient (looks very determinedly at Bethany, and announces) E I E I O
Nurse: Then again.... maybe not
Bethany: They're really starting to crack down about policies. Like the one stating we aren't supposed to have patients anywhere near the nurse's station. I mean, I get why they want that, but in some cases, like his (gesturing to a toddler patient who was sitting in a high chair nearby), it's just so much safer to have them close where we can keep an eye on them if they are alone.
Nurse: No, I completely agree. I think they're more worried about privacy. We want to avoid having people out here listening to health information about other patients.
Bethany: Haha, true story, luckily with this one I think we have a bit of time before he starts spilling the beans.
Patient (looks very determinedly at Bethany, and announces) E I E I O
Nurse: Then again.... maybe not
Friday, January 25, 2013
Wanted: a sense of normalcy
Life's been crazy. I have about five half written posts and no time/motivation/willpower/inspiration to finish them as of yet.
So while I desperately search for my sanity, please enjoy yourself with these gems
The best reviews for a product... ever.
The funniest video.... ever.
The most kick-ass First Lady... ever.
The creepiest kids video.... ever.
and
The most inappropriate yet likely to make you fall over laughing blog post... ever.
So while I desperately search for my sanity, please enjoy yourself with these gems
The best reviews for a product... ever.
The funniest video.... ever.
The most kick-ass First Lady... ever.
The creepiest kids video.... ever.
and
The most inappropriate yet likely to make you fall over laughing blog post... ever.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Tales from the Kiddos: Little White Cuban Lies
 |
| Leukonychia |
George*: Hey, what are these? (holds up hand to show white spots, aka leukonychia, all over fingernails)
Bethany: I don't know, what do you think they are?
George: My Abuela says they are little white lies and they show her when I'm not telling the truth.
Bethany: (while avoiding eye contact with Abuela so as not to burst out laughing) Oh really?
George: Yes, let me see your hands... why don't you have any when I have so many??
Bethany: Maybe it's because I don't lie
George: yeah right
Bethany Well maybe it's just not something I get
George: Yeah, I guess it's cuz you're not Cuban.
I don't even know where to go with that...
*Not his real name
Friday, December 7, 2012
Tales from the Kiddos: Cookie Vampire Bites
Side note: you might have noticed several posts on here disappeared overnight. Without going into too much detail, there have been some issues at work regarding appropriateness of sharing information via social media (In general, nothing related to me personally). It has me very wary of anything work related on this site. Granted, any information/pictures I have referenced have been former patients and with their express permission. (Not to mention I'm always super anal about making sure Im not even remotely disclosing specific information like their name, age, or treatment information). However, to be on the safe side i have removed any post that has a trace of questionable material and will repost them once they are 100% ok. :)
-------------------------
My mom and I had a conversation tonight, during which I related a few very amusing patient anecdotes. Her response was the same was most other people when I share my crazy work related tidbits "It's a shame you can't write a book about these things".
Obviously much of my experiences can't be told in detail, but one of the reasons I originally started this blog was to have an outlet for sharing my experiences during my internship. I am now well past that time in my life (and fully employed, wahoo), but at some point my focus drifted away from the child life aspect and my blog instead became an outlet for my own theological/psychological musings. I don't intend to stray too far from this formula; I believe a blog should be a reflection of the individual, but when appropriate I would like to take an opportunity to share some of the gems from my job. I mean come on, sharing the "Bethany got sprayed with a coke enema gone loose" story never gets old. #noImnotjokingIwishIwas #lookupcokeenemaifyouareconfused #justanotherdayinthelife
So to start us off I would like to share today's "Only in my job" story
We have a young patient who has been at the hospital for an extended stay, as such most of the staff have 'adopted' him. Not going to lie, it's a shame I can't take pictures of him, but for your reference, think of the cutest baby you have ever met.... and multiply it by about three. You're getting close. I like to describe him as old enough to be deliberate in his actions, but young enough to not always know better.
This munchkin, we'll call him Roger (Read: not his real name), is incredibly intelligent for his age, a joy to be around, but unfortunately in that stage of life where mealtime becomes synonymous with playtime. Inevitably it becomes my job to feed him dinner (oh please, twist my arm ;) ), and afterwards clean him up and change his clothing. We've been doing this for a few weeks now and I've developed the system: 1)Wipe hands/mouth, 2) Remove soiled shirt 3) Put on clean shirt 4) remove high chair tray and stand Roger up, stripping the dirty pants 5) With one arm holding Roger in place, use other arm to pull on new pants.6) Follow up with a very high pitched "Yay" and hand clapping, emulated by said child. The high pitch is necessary and a well executed hand clap is the sign of a good child life specialist. #truth
It's a complicated maneuver but one that we have had down for a few weeks now... until tonight. Steps 1-4 went relatively well, slightly difficult as Roger had a mouth full of half chewed cookie slobber, but we had success removing the offending clothes without smearing Miss Bethany in cookie goo (not so much yesterday when I walked out unaware it was on my nose and in my hair). Yet, as we moved on to step five I felt Roger lay his head on my shoulder. Oh Cute.. he's showing me some love was my thought, until two seconds later I felt the rascal open wide and chomp down as hard as he could.
Yes, I now have a toddler hickey... and yet not only do I now sport an odd vampirish- bite on my neck base, my white shirt has a lovely cookie stain exactly in the shape of a young mouth. That and the cookie stains in the boob area were fun to explain to church friends later that evening. What can I say? At least the kid is eating!
-------------------------
My mom and I had a conversation tonight, during which I related a few very amusing patient anecdotes. Her response was the same was most other people when I share my crazy work related tidbits "It's a shame you can't write a book about these things".
Obviously much of my experiences can't be told in detail, but one of the reasons I originally started this blog was to have an outlet for sharing my experiences during my internship. I am now well past that time in my life (and fully employed, wahoo), but at some point my focus drifted away from the child life aspect and my blog instead became an outlet for my own theological/psychological musings. I don't intend to stray too far from this formula; I believe a blog should be a reflection of the individual, but when appropriate I would like to take an opportunity to share some of the gems from my job. I mean come on, sharing the "Bethany got sprayed with a coke enema gone loose" story never gets old. #noImnotjokingIwishIwas #lookupcokeenemaifyouareconfused #justanotherdayinthelife
So to start us off I would like to share today's "Only in my job" story
We have a young patient who has been at the hospital for an extended stay, as such most of the staff have 'adopted' him. Not going to lie, it's a shame I can't take pictures of him, but for your reference, think of the cutest baby you have ever met.... and multiply it by about three. You're getting close. I like to describe him as old enough to be deliberate in his actions, but young enough to not always know better.
This munchkin, we'll call him Roger (Read: not his real name), is incredibly intelligent for his age, a joy to be around, but unfortunately in that stage of life where mealtime becomes synonymous with playtime. Inevitably it becomes my job to feed him dinner (oh please, twist my arm ;) ), and afterwards clean him up and change his clothing. We've been doing this for a few weeks now and I've developed the system: 1)Wipe hands/mouth, 2) Remove soiled shirt 3) Put on clean shirt 4) remove high chair tray and stand Roger up, stripping the dirty pants 5) With one arm holding Roger in place, use other arm to pull on new pants.6) Follow up with a very high pitched "Yay" and hand clapping, emulated by said child. The high pitch is necessary and a well executed hand clap is the sign of a good child life specialist. #truth
It's a complicated maneuver but one that we have had down for a few weeks now... until tonight. Steps 1-4 went relatively well, slightly difficult as Roger had a mouth full of half chewed cookie slobber, but we had success removing the offending clothes without smearing Miss Bethany in cookie goo (not so much yesterday when I walked out unaware it was on my nose and in my hair). Yet, as we moved on to step five I felt Roger lay his head on my shoulder. Oh Cute.. he's showing me some love was my thought, until two seconds later I felt the rascal open wide and chomp down as hard as he could.
Yes, I now have a toddler hickey... and yet not only do I now sport an odd vampirish- bite on my neck base, my white shirt has a lovely cookie stain exactly in the shape of a young mouth. That and the cookie stains in the boob area were fun to explain to church friends later that evening. What can I say? At least the kid is eating!
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