Grace in the midst of suffering

This is the next part of this story.

I have to preface this post by saying it is the one I have been dreading writing the most. I get emotional just thinking about that Sunday. Part of this documentation process, Ive realized, is making myself process and heal from the experience. As I mentioned in the last post, God kept me from writing prior to this point. I instinctively knew it was not time to reflect, and I have to believe it is because he has something else to teach me about it now.. two weeks later. But still, its been more difficult than I anticipated to continually put myself back in those shoes. I apologize if this post is more disjointed and I seem less emotionally invested, it's a coping mechanism.

A conversation with a friend via text:

"I'm blogging and hating every second of it. Not because I don't want to write, but because it's so scary and overwhelming revisiting these experiences... I'm scared to write Sunday, I started hyperventilating just thinking about it."

 
Her response:

"[Your posts so far] are both fantastic and I love you for having the courage to put it out there!! Keep being brave, it's not only for you :)"

And maybe that's the heart of the matter. I feel overly indulgent writing these posts. It's so personal and raw, that it feels unfair to burden others with the events of Week Two. But maybe that's the point. If one other person can take heart from my struggles, from my vulnerability, then it is all worth it.

So I will write, stop procrastinating, and write, because week two is where the game began to change.

Reflections on Match Day 2013

I want to introduce you to two of my best friends:

Cooking Baking Extravaganza 2012

That's Anisha, and we've been friends.. forever. We met in elementary school; a bit competitive as we were both super smart... and we knew it. But we were friends. We then went separate ways for middle school, high school, and, for a time, college. However, I transferred schools, met a girl who became my bestie, and then realized her roommate was best friends with... Anisha. So we became friends again. Graduated. Moved on... until I moved to Miami, where she conveniently was attending medical school. Bam. Instant best friends again, as if nothing had ever happened. She is loving, and caring, and kindhearted, basically everything you could ever want in a lifelong friend.

Celebrating her return from India... in unintentionally matching sweater dresses, tights, boots, belts, and scarves...

This is Molly, and we've been friends... since I moved to Miami. She and Anisha met/became friends in medical school, and eventually attended church together as well. Molly and I had a Chili's date very early on in our friendship and from that first encounter it was if we had been friends our whole lives. She is in many ways the yin to my yang (heck, we even dress alike without meaning to!), and has truly enriched my time here in Miami. There are so many things I probably wouldn't have survived without her support.


Molly and Anisha have been in medical school, kicking butt, for the past four years and something very special happened yesterday:

After months and months and months of applying, and interviewing, and flying, and not sleeping, and stressing, and thinking, and eventually ranking their top programs... they finally found out where they will be doing their residencies and continuing their medical careers. Needless to say... it was an exciting day. As a friend who has somewhat 'traveled' this journey with them, I was proud, nervous, and excited to experience 'Match Day' by their side.


And of course... God taught me a lesson in the process (ain't that always the way!).

The Dating Cleanse, an update

On July 29, 2012 I decided to take a year off from dating.

A lot of factors went into the decision: a small group sermon series on dating and sex, conversations with friends, self reflection on my previous mistakes.

Not to mention the still smoldering embers remaining in my life from my last major relationship blow up. It wasn't something I ever talked about directly, but I hinted here that things had been particularly difficult for me to muddle through.

A lot of thought and prayer went into the decision, but at the end of the day I couldn't shake the feeling that God was asking me to trust him and take some time off from 'relationships'.

I am now almost 8 months in, 2/3 of the way done with this pledge, and I want to reflect a bit on what has happened and the change it has wrought in my life. Fair warning, this may be the most personal post I have ever written.

Thoughts on Prayer Part Two: Or the start of the "Positivity Project"

When God closes a door sometimes there seems to be no real reason 'why', and all we can do is trust it was because there was something scary on the other side we hadn't yet seen... like a rabid dog, or a serial killer.

Source

I had a major setback today.

Once again, details shouldn't, and won't, be discussed on an open public forum, but needless to say something I have been praying over, had friends praying over, hit a major roadblock.

It's been difficult... and life affirming all at the same time.

 I should back up