Friday, February 28, 2014

This is me

I'm staring down the bottle of pills sitting next to me. It's seemingly innocuous. Transparent orange bottle, light blue lid. A label on it that has my name, the pharmacy information, and the dosage instruction. Its the word in between  that terrifies me: Escitalopram.

After 27 years of fighting my battles on my own, I am being told the burden is too much, and it's time to accept some (chemical) help.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Happiness...

I was searching through old photos to find something to add here, and this one literally jumped out at me. I can't tell you when I took it... but clearly it had a purpose.

"Maybe happiness didn't have to be about the big, sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life in place. Maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of small pleasures... Maybe happiness was just a matter of the little upticks- the traffic signal that said "walk" the second you got there - and downticks - the itchy tag at the back of your collar- that happened to every person in the course of a day. Maybe everybody had the same allotted measure of happiness within each day. Maybe it didn't matter if you were a word-famous heartthrob or a painful geek. Maybe it didn't matter if your friend was possibly dying. Maybe you just got through it. Maybe that was all you could ask for." - The Sisterhood of the traveling pants Ann Brashares

Friday, September 6, 2013

Tales from the Kiddos: When sharing is a problem

Conversation between doctor and 4 year old female patient

Dr: That looks like a really good lollipop! Can I just have one lick??
Patient: (pauses to think really hard) No Dr D.... because, because it has all of my germs all over it!
Dr: Oh, so I can't have it?
Patient: No! You can have your germs and I can have mine.
Dr: Ok then.. (Looks at tupperware container of chocolate chip cookies next to patients and points while he counts) Well look here... you have one, two , three, four cookies. So that can be one cookie for me, and three for you!
Patient: (once again thinking hard) No Dr D. Because.. Because... I have to keep them all together!!
Dr: Ok... well (looks at the multitude of tiny animals she has on her lap) you have a lot of animals there! Can I just have one, can I just have one so I can go back to my office and not cry?
Dad: Come on -----, you can give him one! You have three lions there, give Dr D one!
Dr: You can give me one and you'll have all your others, and then I won't cry
Patient: (Who has been sitting there the entire time, quiet, with the wheels clearly turning in her head) Well... how about you have one of YOUR toys from the playroom. (Stands up and goes to toy box, picks out a toy, comes back and puts it in the doctor's hands) There you go Dr. D. I'm giving you THAT toy to take back to your office so you won't cry.
Dad: You can't fault her reasoning... even if she is generous with other peoples' things!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Tales from the Kiddos: Peeping Patients

5 year old male patient is in his room alone, kneeling on a chair, looking out the window contently for a good long time until:

Patient: Is that Lady DEAD?!?!
Nurse: What lady??
Patient: (pointing to lady sleeping in the adult ICU room visible across the way) That one! She's DEAD!
Nurse: No honey, she's just sleeping
Patient: Why would she be sleeping? It's the MIDDLE OF THE DAY. She's definitely dead.

You can't argue with that logic

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Tales from the Kiddos: A different kind of fudge?

Conversation with a 5 year old boy

Bethany: Did you eat all your dinner?
Patient: No, I don't like any of that
Bethany: Really? You have chocolate cake right here!
Patient: Yes... but, chocolate cake will make you constipated.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Depression Lies... and it's a big bully

** Disclaimer- although I DO have a B.S.. in psychology and M.S. in child development and family relations, with graduate work in clinical psychology, I am NOT a licensed therapist, and the opinions below are my own. If you are suffering from any type of mental health issue, please seek out professional help, there is hope of a better tomorrow, I promise**

There's a dirty little secret about long-term depression that only people who have suffered will understand:

It never completely goes away.

Source


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Lilly


Im staring at a blank wall right now.

It's been a rough month. For all the posting I did in April, the words were not flowing in May. I was in survival mode, one day at a time. Things are changing, just not in the way I anticipated, and Im not ready to process yet. Hence the lack of writing.

Yet amidst all the chaos, the one bright light in my life has been Lilly. My stubborn, strong-willed, beautiful little bunny who had beat the odds and survived. Its amazing how therapeutic she could be (even while being a royal pain in my ass). No matter what crap might come at me at work, home, or in my personal life, I always had a warm bunny to come snuggle with, sometimes even with her consent.

But last night right around 9 pm, my precious baby was finally given peace from her pain, and she breathed her last.

Taken a few weeks ago when her health seemed to be at its prime