Lessons from Jonah

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I'm really bad at Lent. Super bad, some would say. I always attempt to give something up, but in the process slip up once or twice, feel guilty, and ultimately stop trying. So several years ago I decided instead of giving up a vice for Lent, I would take on a good habit. In other words, last year I decided to be more proactive in reading my Bible, making a point to read a few chapters every single day.

Not only did I manage to keep that task up for Lent (trust me, no one is more surprised than me), it has continued now for almost a year. Over time the formatting changed, but basically every morning as soon as I turn off the alarm on my phone, before I check email, before I look at the weather, I open the Bible app on my phone and read at least three chapters. As mentioned here, one of my goals for the new year was to take the time to actually process what I am reading instead of skimming through it like I normally do.

I've been relatively successful; not going to lie, there have been many mornings I've had to continually remind myself Digest what you are reading, don't just look at the words, but every so often something sticks out to me.

I'm reading at the end of the Old Testament right now. Let me tell you, I thought getting through Numbers/Deuteronomy was a chore, I had never tried reading some of the prophets. Seriously, how many times does one group of people need to get told that they are going to suffer numerous afflictions because of their horrendous behavior?? I have been starting every morning super depressed. So when I got to the book of Jonah the other day, I was excited. FINALLY! A story with some plot and intrigue. Yet as I was reading though, a few details emerged to which I had never before paid attention.

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Weekend recap: instagram style

Saturday: TREE OF LIFE every year we plant oak trees in honor of the patients who have passed in the last year due to cancer (clockwise): the grove showing trees that have been planted (and growing) for years; a newly planted tree honoring one of this year's patients; a robot and matchbox car truck gracing the foot of the tree honoring a previous year's patient; flower pots placed at the tree of another patient from this year; christmas decorations on a tree

Gorgeous sky, gorgeous weather, afternoon at a local park

 

Perfect lakeside retreat for reading

Playtime with Lilly outside to soak in more of the perfect weather

Dinner out with a friend and the most AMAZING dessert of my life- half triple ghiradelli chocolate, and half chocolate chip

Sunday: celebrating a friend's birthday

Amazing burgers, amazing ice cream- epic win

Mimosas, disney movies, and jalapeno corn cheese dip with my bestie

I've been struggling a lot lately with the concept of time: not having enough, feeling like I don't use mine appropriately, experiencing the sensation of my life passing me by. Coincidentally (or not so) my pastor's sermon this morning was on just that: time. He talked about how we as humans have been learning to slice time in smaller and smaller pieces (days into hours into quarter hours, to minutes, and now nanoseconds); this sensation actually causes us to feel like we have less time instead of more. (I'm boiling down an entire 40 minute sermon into two sentences) His suggestion was that we take more time to relax, to unwind and to experience each moment instead of trying to control it. I think that was a task well accomplished this weekend.

Exposing the jugular

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop. ~ Grey's Anatomy


I was once accused of being a 'sadistic b****" who got her "kicks off seeing children suffer".



It was an ex who, after having a frank discussion years later, admitted that the comment was reflective of his own pain, not of me. Yet for years the comment haunted me, making me doubt myself. question every decision, every motive. Even to this day I think it and twitch.

Be Still

I'm not always so good about stopping and taking care of myself. Even when I do have down time I still am checking email/facebook/twitter, calling friends, reading books, crafting, watching tv, you name it. At my small group last night we discussed the need to take time to clear our schedules and simply rest. I mentioned that moving here was a good opportunity for me to reset; I was so incredibly busy in NC that I very rarely had time 'off' and when I did have a spare moment there were always stacks of assignments and papers to work on. When I moved here though I suddenly had nothing on the agenda (minus work) I started to lose my mind a bit. My natural inclination was to frantically search for activities to fill the dead space. I don't do well with free time.

The last two weeks have been crazy to say the least. In addition to working full time (closer to 45 or 50 hours than 40), I spent the previous weekend in Port Charlotte and this past weekend in Gainesville; multitudes of fun activities, but not much time to rest and recoup. I've been running on 5-6 hours of sleep a night and it finally came back to bite me. I went into work this morning, woke up with a bit of a sore throat but didn't think much of it, however suddenly realized during morning report that I was incredibly lightheaded. Over the next hours things progressed so much that my supervisor decided it would be best if I left for the day. I really didn't feel that sick, but when one works in the hospital, one has to be much more careful about infection control.

So I came home. I sat on the couch and practically haven't moved since. It's been glorious. I didn't realize how tired I was until I laid down to take a cat nap and ended up sleeping for 3 hours. I caught up on email, I watched the Ellen show, I even moved outside to watch the shuttle launch! (We're close enough that I could actually see the flames coming off the back of the shuttle). I've been able to watch Florida Basketball (Go Gators!), and catch up on assignments. Apparently God knew better than I that I would need a day of rest today, I just hope I am well enough to go back in tomorrow!

It's important no matter what our work might entail to make sure we are taking time for ourselves emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. It's so easy to burnout and studies have shown that higher levels of stress are associated with increased risk for illness (Thank you psychoneuroimmunology!) As part of my thesis I included a survey asking people what types of self care strategies they find helpful in preventing emotional exhaustion. I thought I would include it here for you tonight. Read over it, think about your own self-care strategies, and maybe get some ideas of new techniques to try and keep your emotional health!

Self Care Assessment Worksheet

Source: Transforming the Pain: A Workbook on Vicarious Traumatization. Saakvitne, Pearlman & Staff of TSI/CAAP (Norton, 1996)

Physical Self-Care
___ Eat regularly (e.g. breakfast, lunch and dinner)
___ Eat healthy
___ Exercise
___ Get regular medical care for prevention
___ Get medical care when needed
___ Take time off when needed
___ Get massages
___ Dance, swim, walk, run, play sports, sing, or do some other physical activity that is fun
___ Take time to be sexual—with yourself, with a partner
___ Get enough sleep
___ Wear clothes you like
___ Take vacations
___ Take day trips or mini-vacations
___ Make time away from telephones

Psychological Self-Care
___ Make time for self-reflection
___ Have your own personal psychotherapy
___ Write in a journal
___ Read literature that is unrelated to work
___ Do something at which you are not expert or in charge
___ Decrease stress in your life
___ Let others know different aspects of you
___ Notice your inner experience—listen to your thoughts, judgments, beliefs, attitudes, and feelings
___ Engage your intelligence in a new area, e.g. go to an art museum, history exhibit, sports event, auction, theater performance
___ Practice receiving from others
___ Be curious
___ Say “no” to extra responsibilities sometimes

Emotional Self-Care
___ Spend time with others whose company you enjoy
___ Stay in contact with important people in your life
___ Give yourself affirmations, praise yourself
___ Love yourself
___ Re-read favorite books, re-view favorite movies
___ Identify comforting activities, objects, people, relationships, places and seek them out
___ Allow yourself to cry
___ Find things that make you laugh
___ Express your outrage in social action, letters and donations, marches, protests
___ Play with children

Spiritual Self-Care
___ Make time for reflection
___ Spend time with nature
___ Find a spiritual connection or community
___ Be open to inspiration
___ Cherish your optimism and hope
___ Be aware of nonmaterial aspects of life
___ Try at times not to be in charge or the expert
___ Be open to not knowing
___ Identify what in meaningful to you and notice its place in your life
___ Meditate
___ Pray
___ Sing
___ Spend time with children
___ Have experiences of awe
___ Contribute to causes in which you believe
___ Read inspirational literature (talks, music, etc.)

Workplace or Professional Self-Care
___ Take a break during the workday (e.g. lunch)
___ Take time to chat with co-workers
___ Make quiet time to complete tasks
___ Identify projects or tasks that are exciting and rewarding
___ Set limits with your clients and colleagues
___ Balance your caseload so that no one day or part of a day is “too much”
___ Arrange your work space so it is comfortable and comforting
___ Get regular supervision or consultation
___ Negotiate for your needs (benefits, pay raise)
___ Have a peer support group
___ Develop a non-trauma area of professional interest

Balance
___ Strive for balance within your work-life and workday
___ Strive for balance among work, family, relationships, play and rest